VERSE 26

KVA JANO’YAM ATĪVA PĀMARAḤ
KVA DURĀPAṀ RATI BHĀGBHIR APY ADAḤ
IYAM ULLALAYATY AJARJARĀ
GURUR UTTARṢA-DHURĀ TATHĀPI MĀM

Where is a low fool like me? Where is this loving devotional service, that is hard to attain even by the loving devotees? Still I feel a new strong desire for this and this makes me tremble!

MAHATĪ  ĀŚĀḤ  (Strong Hope):

Makaranda Kaṇā Vyākhyā:

Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī was praying to the lotus-feet of the mañjarīs for the loving service of the Yugala Kiśora in their company.
Suddenly great humility wells up in his heart and, remembering his own unworthiness, he laments: “Where is this loving devotional service, that is rarely attained by any devotee, and where is a fallen wretch like myself?”

What a great words, drenched by the rasa of bhajana! This mentality can only arise in someone who has prema! Although Śrī Rūpa is the most elevated person, he considers himself to be a most fallen soul who is not doing any sādhana. This is the nature of devotional practise:

On the one hand the heart is attracted by strong devotional aspirations (lobha or sacred greed), and one the other hand the devotee desperately cries, knowing himself to be totally unworthy. Humility generally means being poor, totally unworthy, fallen and wretched, but it also means that attutide that causes one to anxiously think:
“There is no one in the world lower than me, I am not able to do anything. I am in all respects unqualified, fallen and wretched!”, although he is actually the most elevated personality, that is actual humility. Anyone who has attained that treasure of humility may be following all the regulated principles of the scriptures, may be doing a lot of sādhana and may be decorated with all divine attributes, but he still considers himself to be a low fool and cries anxiously. This anxiety is a sign of great humility. Without this humility one’s surrender can not be perfect and complete; after all, why should one take shelter of someone else (particularly the Supreme Lord) while thinking oneself to be qualified and able? How can a person who (thinks he) needs no shelter surrender himself?
Actually, when humility does not come to the mind natural surrender can not occur. Humility and surrender are therefore one and the same thing.

Humility attracts the Lord’s mercy and mercy dwells in humility. Therein lies the reason why Śrīman Mahāprabhu taught the chanter of the holy name the tṛṇād api verse, so that the grace of the Supreme Lord and bhakti devī (the goddess of devotion) can be attained.

tṛṇād api sunīcena
taror iva sahiṣṇunā
amāninā mānadena
kīrtanīyaḥ sadā hariḥ
(Śikṣāṣṭakam)

“The holy name of Lord Hari should always be chanted in great humility. One should think oneself to be lower than a blade of grass, one should  be as tolerant as a tree, one must offer all honour to others and one  should never expect any honour for oneself.”

uttama hoiyā āpanāke māne tṛṇādhama;dui prakāre sahiṣṇutā kore vṛkṣa samavṛkṣa yeno kāṭle-o kichu nā boloy;śukhāiyā moile kāre pāni nā māgoyyei ye māgoye tāre deya āpana dhana;gharma vṛṣṭi sohe, ānera koroye rakṣaṇauttama hoiyā vaiṣṇava hobe nirabhimāna;jīve sammāna dibe jāni Kṛṣṇa adhiṣṭhānaei mata hoiyā yei Kṛṣṇa nāma loy;śrī Kṛṣṇa caraṇe tāra prema upajoy
(Caitanya Caritāmṛta)

“Although  the  devotee  is the most  elevated  person,  he  considers  himself to be lower than a blade of grass, and he tolerates everything  in two ways, just like a tree.
Even when a tree is cut,  it does not say anything, and even when it dries up and dies, it does not ask anyone for water. But it freely gives its own wealth to anyone who may ask for it, protecting others while tolerating heat and rain.
Although the Vaiṣṇava is the greatest personality, he is devoid of pride and he honours all living beings, knowing that Kṛṣṇa dwells in them. Whoever chants the name of Kṛṣṇa in this way will attain love for Śrī Kṛṣṇa’s lotus-feet.”

The more prema increases as a culmination of humility, the more eager the devotee becomes to see Kṛṣṇa and please Him with his service, and through the supremacy of this eagerness prema reaches its culmination.

There is no comparison within the kingdom of prema to the eager love and humility of the mahābhāvavatī gopīs when they were separated from Kṛṣṇa. Śrīla Jīva Gosvāmī has written:

dāvas trastā mṛga duhitaraś candra hīnāś cakoryaḥ
srastā vṛkṣān nava latikā nīra riktāḥ śapharyaḥ
ūrjja prāntād bahir apagatā hanta navyābja
nālyoyadvad dṛṣṭā hari virahitā rādhikādyāś ca tadvat
(Gopāla Campū, Pūrva – 33.110)

“Alas! When Śrī Rādhikā and the gopīs are separated from Hari, they look like fawns that are scared of a forestfire, Cakori-birds that are deprived of the moonlight, vines that have lost hold of their supporting trees, fishes that have come out of the water or small uprooted lotus flowers!”

Actually these extraordinary feelings of humility and eagerness awaken within the gopīs, who have no desire to gratify their own senses and who only want to gratify Kṛṣṇa’s senses, when they are deprived of Śrī Kṛṣṇa’s devotional service, and by Śrī Rādhā’s grace the kinkarīs are endowed with the same extraordinary feelings.

Therefore Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī feels himself totally unqualified, as a result of the humility that wells up in his heart when he suffers the want of Rādhā and Mādhava’s audience and devotional service, but at the same time he prays with great desire:

iyam ullalayaty ajarjarā gurur uttarṣa-dhurā tathāpi mām – “Although this devotional service is difficult to attain for any devotee, still there is an ever-fresh and great aspiration for it in my heart”.

This deep thirst causes the heart to break, therefore this hope cannot be given up.
It is as if the hope for attaining the beloved makes a seat in the heart and mind of the devotee and sits on it. Although the devotee humbly thinks himself to be unworthy, he cannot give up hoping, even if he tries it. Hope will not leave his heart.
Śrīla Sanātana Gosvāmī says: “Hope gives me pain”.

nā premā śravaṇādi bhaktir api vā yogo’thavā vaiṣṇavojñānaṁ vā śubha karma vā kiyad aho saj jātir apy asti vāhīnārthādhika sādhake tvayi tathāpy acchedya mūlā satīhe gopījana vallabha vyathayate hā hā mad āśaiva mām

“O lover of the gopīs! I don’t have any love for You, I don’t perform any spiritual practises like hearing and chanting, I don’t practise any Vaiṣṇava yoga-meditation, I don’t possess any knowledge about the Lord and I don’t perform any auspicious activities (such as deity worship), nor am I from a good family. But I know that You are always benevolent to the low and unqualified, and therefore my unuprootable hope for attaining You is giving me great pain! Alas! Alas! What should I do now?”

Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī is now struck with the same ever-fresh and strong hope.

hāya! hāya! āmi ati adhama pāmara;tritāpa jvālāya sadā jvaliteche antaravicāra korile dekhi āmi vā kothāy;bhakata durlabha prema sevā vā kothāyyadyapi āmāra kichu nāhi bhakti bol;tathāpiho āśā more koriche cañcalapremotthita dainya bhare madhura prārthanā;śrī rūpa gosvāmīpāda korilā ghoṣaṇā

“Alas! Alas! I am so fallen and wretched! The threefold material miseries are constantly scorching my heart. Just consider: Where am I, and where is this devotional service, which is so rarely attained even by the great devotees? Although I have absolutely no devotional strenght this hope is still making me restless. Thus Śrī Rūpa Gosvāmīpāda proclaims his own humility, born out of his pure devotion, through his sweet prayers.”