I can say from my own experience that a mind too critical, and in my case, too judgmental, is like a curse.

I honestly have to say that as the time now went by, I observed many things within Gaudiya Vaishnavism that shocked and disgusted me, and I always was very quick to judge and condemn or to take side of a certain “party”. It made me really think many times about one deep question:

Do I really want to live in a spiritual family, Gaudiya Vaishnavas, when there is so much fighting going on and so many other troubling things…until I realized ONE THING: It has NOTHING to do with ME…

I need to be critical with MY OWN person and I should not bother anymore about OTHERS.

For an arrogant person like me, this is not very easy. But every day I pray for this strength and slowly results are coming in.

Those of you who know me, they know very well how much I was involved in endless arguments about certain topics within bhakti and especially whenever my Gurudeva was attacked or blasphemed.

But I realized that this is the ugly nature of the material world and these “things” will never stop as long as we are not free from unwanted desires (anarthas).

So, I decided to completely withdraw from any arguments or “discussions” and only focus on the teachings and the seva my Gurudeva gave me. But the nature of the material world is only ONE side of the equation…the other side being ME.
What is MY nature? Why am I disturbed?

Honestly, I concluded that first, I need to be comfortable with my own person.
Without being comfortable in my own “skin”, how can I be comfortable with other persons?
We must develop empathy and compassion.

Sripad Sadhu Maharaja once gave a most wonderful class about empathy and compassion.

In terms of Gaudiya Vaishnavism, this is called DAYA.
We must develop JIVA DAYA – empathy and compassion with ALL living entities. This is the nature of a Vaishnava. It is not an easy task.

Sripad Sadhu Maharaja made a very good point: First, we must be compassionate with our OWN person. Charity starts at home, he said. What does this mean?

It means that we must ACCEPT our nature, both materially and especially, spiritually.

Yes, we need to mainly identify with our spiritual identity, our svarupa. But also, we must acknowledge our still existing material nature. It is not BLACK and WHITE. The spiritual nature shines through our material nature, but not if we don´t honestly acknowledge our material identity here in this world. It is all about a healthy balance. It all depends on our adhikara (stage of consciousness).

Many of us sadhakas still have “roles” to play here in this material world. Many have a job, a family, … In German, “job” is called “BERUF”…like a “CALLING”…I sincerely think that most of us have something to “do” in our earthly incarnation…

I am a school teacher. I am a good school teacher and despite the job being not the easiest right now in this world, I love it and I see it as a SEVA too.

We cannot exist in this world without providing for any kind of home, for food, clothes,…

Many people told me to quit my job and live in Radhakunda, depending on the money of my social welfare. I never accepted this proposal.

First of all, I am not near the stage to be able to PERMANENTLY live in the Holy Dhama and second of all, I refuse to live on social welfare as long as I find my day-to-day job meaningful and important. But that is just me.

Many devotees are on the platform of living in the Holy Dhama permanently without “material obligations” and I am very happy for them.

But this is not the point. Krishna says in the Gita that it is better to perform one´s duty imperfectly than to perform another´s duty perfectly. I can´t live as a recluse in Radhakunda, at least not right now. Arjuna wanted to go to the forest and meditate…Krishna said: “Nope. You fight.” So, I must be COMFORTABLE with my MATERIAL situation.

Without being comfortably situated materially, spiritual life is extremely hard.

Most of us are in this situation and our Gurudeva encourages us to live a comfortable life to be strong in bhajan.

To be able to find such a balance, it needs honesty.

We must accept our nature and our situation and with a peaceful mind, we can travel through the stages of bhakti under the guidance of Sri Gurudeva.

In my childhood, I never really experienced real love and still I sometimes wonder if I am a lovable person…always in doubt…

This experience can only be transformed by a soul-to-soul love and especially by the love of Sri Gurudeva. And ultimately, when we start to love our own self, our own individual nature as a kinkari of Radhika. But it a step-by-step-process.

Humility does not mean to feel so low-class that we hate our self, that we feel miserable all the time. It means that we recognize our weaknesses.

It is not that WE are worthless…it is our conception of “I, me and mine” that is worthless. It is our consciousness that is useless if we identify solely with our material existence, forgetting our spiritual nature.

But if we hate our self, we will always be miserable, and we will hate the world and everything to it.

Humility means to recognize our insignificance without bhakti and our significance WITH bhakti.
Humility means to recognize that we have no bhakti and that we need to fill up our hearts with bhakti.

It is a two-way process: happiness will come, misery will go.

But not if we always focus on being “not worthy”, “useless”, “alone”…”I can never reach this or that stage”…

We need to step out of hating our shortcomings…acknowledge them in a loving and compassionate way and pray to come out of them by the mercy of Guru and the Vaishnavas.
We need to be able to stand in front of a mirror and say: “I accept and love myself.”
This was extremely hard for me, but more and more it was easier. I still am aware of many shortcomings, but I stopped hating myself because of them.

I realized that to live a healthy spiritual life, we need a healthy material life. We need to understand our needs. In this age of Kali, spiritual life means householder life.

I would never be where I am now without my soulmate Govinda Priya. We need a life partner who is on the same journey, who shares the same goal. It gives us sadhu sanga EVERY DAY if we are in the right consciousness.

We are not doomed if we can´t live in the Holy Dhama. It is the BEST scenario, but it is not that all who can´t live there are automatically out of the picture.

Better to live in the West and THINK of the Holy Dhama than to live in the Holy Dhama and THINK about life in the West…

Again, it is a matter of consciousness and honesty.

Bhakti does not mean we only REJECT material things…this will dry our heart out and it will be very artificial. We must ADD spiritual things (hearing, chanting, serving, reading, etc…) to our daily life and thereby our taste for spiritual life will INCREASE and material attachment will DECREASE.

Many people think “Oh, Tarun. You know so much. You are very advanced. Thank you for sharing.” Actually, this conception is very wrong. I know nothing. I am not advanced at all. And honestly, the best person to know me is MYSELF. Of course, my Gurudeva knows me the best… I was just trying to make the point that I know BEST when I cheat a) myself and b) others.

Sri Gurudeva will ALWAYS love us, no matter how many “shortcomings” we may have…he is patita pavana…savior of the most fallen.

It is my Gurudeva who speaks through me and I try to be his instrument. I have many shortcomings. I still like to watch a movie, read a good novel or listen to a great record. But, after having been a fanatic in ISKCON for 10 years, I no more feel guilty or ashamed. I just accept where I stand, and I always try to find a good balance in my daily life.
I can´t practice bhakti 24 hours 7 days a week. It would be completely artificial.I need a balanced, but a regulated life with a clear spiritual aspiration.

Artificial suppression will never work…but only natural progression through attaining taste in bhakti. This can only happen if we are properly situated in the material world AND in our spiritual life.

So, my personal experience taught me these important lessons:

1) We should have a comfortable and practical material life (partner, home, job….)

2) We should have a strong spiritual foundation (bhajan in the morning time)

3) Our humility should never lead to self-hate or guilt or shame

4) We should accept who we are, the FULL persona

5) We should always be in sadhu sanga

6) We should always have great faith in our Gurudeva

7) We should rest assured that we are truly loved (Gurudeva, Guru Manjari, Radha and Krishna,…)

8) We should not practice artificial renunciation

9) We should be strict with our own self, lenient with others

10) We should NEVER engage in “right/wrong” discussions

11) We should always take shelter at the umbrella of our desired spiritual form, knowing full well that Guru Manjari will bring us to Radhika´s lotus feet

Dandavat pranams.
Jay Gurudeva
Jay Sri Radhe