The avatar of Kali Yuga is Sri Gauranga Mahaprabhu and one of His close
associates is Sri Srimad Pujapada Prabodhananda Sarasvaticaran. In his book
Sri Sri Radha Rasa Suddhanidhi, verse 151 he writes:

“May the two ever-blissful adolescent transcendental lights, which are intoxicated
by eager erotic pastimes in the best of Vrndavana’s vine-cottages, extinguish the
burning fire of my very horrible material existence with the very soothing honey
that drips from Their lotus feet!”

Sripad is offering prayers to the lotus feet of Sri Sri Radha-Madhava. In sweet
Vrindavan many amazing kunjas with beautiful flowers and vines are located.
The Divine Couple are playfully intoxicated with divine rasa. They reveal
Their incomparible rasa. They are filled with this rasa and They are shining
like jewels. The nectar from the lotus feet of Radha-Madhava is spreading all
around. Let this nectar stop the burning of the fire of material desires.
In the previous verse Goswamipada was praying, “Always play in my mind
and my heart!” By these words he is desribing his greed to have darshan –
and sometimes he has this darshan in his spurti. He is eager to have darshan
in his mind. He wants darshan in his mind. Those who are premika want to
see with their own eyes and listen to the flute of Krishna with their ears. They
want to enjoy by seeing the Divine Couple and with their body doing seva. A
prema bhakta wants service. Why then does Prabodhananda Sarasvati want
to see this in his mind? The reason is that when the spurti disappears, he is
so humble inside. He feels so much humbleness. That’s why he thinks, “I
don’t even have spurti. I lost everything!” He thinks that he will never get
spurti and he thinks that he doesn’t have any qualities to serve. So he is
asking for darshan again and again. It is because he is humble.
When Gopa Kumara came to Tapaloka, he saw yogis there. Their eyes were
always closed. They always meditated on their deity.
Gopa Kumara wants to see Bhagavan, but he doesn’t see Him in Tapaloka. He thinks, “I was in
Nilacal and there was such a big deity. I was so happy to see this deity! I will
go back to Puri.” At that time he heard somebody saying, “Why do you want
to leave from here Gopa Kumara? You can see Bhagavan in your mind. You
cannot see Him with your eyes. We are not trying to see Him by our eyes.
We are trying to see Him in our mind. That is why there is no murti here. If
somebody says that they have seen by their eyes, we say that darshan in
the mind is better. The mind is the king of all senses. All activities happen
through the mind. If you see by the eyes, everything is going through the
mind anyway. Without mind there will be no happiness. If Bhagavan is
merciful to somebody when he wants to see Him, He can appear in a form,
but darshan comes through the mind. So if you want to see Bhagavan, try to
see Him in your mind.” But Gopa Kumara wanted to see the Deity with his
eyes, especially the form of Bhagavan in Puri. So Gopa Kumara says, “I want
to see Him with my eyes.”
The body of the sadhu is not material. One who has taken the nectar of
Krishna bhakti, their body becomes spiritualized and their senses become
spiritual. That’s why the senses can see the Deity. This is real darshan. The
rsis were trying to explain this to Gopa Kumara, but he didn’t agree. Then
Gopa Kumara reached Vaikuntha. The Vishnuduttas asked him, “Why didn’t
you like what the rsis told you about seeing Bhagavan in the mind? Now you
can see by your eyes. You are so fortunate!” Goswamipada is so humble. He
is saying, “Please show Yourself!”
Earlier Prabodhanada Sarasvati was a mayavadi. Somebody said to him,
“You were brahmanandi before. You meditated on Brahman. You are already
liberated. The fire of material existence has already dissapeared. Now you
have stopped meditating on Brahman and instead you chant Harinama. As a
result you can see that you have fallen again. You are crying! You are
suffering now. Go back to meditating on Brahman so that you will not
suffer!” Mayavadis think like this. Prabodhananda Sarasvati replied, “What
are you saying? The light that I was meditating upon is nothing compared to
the light of Radha-Madhava! Now I have a completely different light. This
light from Radha-Madhava is filled paramananda. I am sinking in this
ananda. It is a totally different experience. This shining light is not one – it is
two. One is golden and the other is blue. In the nikunja lila in Vrindavan, this
light fills me with ananda. This light is everywhere. Your light is empty, but
what I experience is filled with ananda. It is the color of a cload and the color
of gold. It is imbued with Their forms and Their lila.” We should remember
how sweet and nice it is in Vrindavan – how sweetly
the cuckos are singing and the bees humming. Beautiful flowers are filling
Vrindavan. It is so intoxicating in Vrindavan! In one nikunja I am enjoying the
vision of the Divine Couple – Their smiles, the sound of Krishna’s flute and
Their singing. From hearing the sound of Krishna’s flute, all gopis run. They
are sinking in the light of Syamasundara. Amongst all the gopis, Radharani is
the foremost. She is shining with a golden light. They are illuminating the
whole Vrindavan with Their light. Their lila happen in these nikunjas. Here
They show Their loving pastimes.
Sripad Goswamipada is showing one quality of Radharani, called suvilasa.
Radha and Krishna want to meet and the sakhis are trying to bring Radharani
to the kunja. Govinda is waiting in that kunja for Radharani. But Radharani is
in man, so She doesn’t want to come. She shows Her independent mood. She
doesn’t want to come, but anyhow She agrees to come. She doesn’t want to
sit next to Krishna, but the sakhis convince Her to enter. She does not not sit
near Him, but She looks at Him. Syamasundara says, “Oh sakhis, I am so
lucky today! At night it was so dark, nothing was visible. But I saw such great
girls! They were so chaste and devoted to their husbands. I am so fortunate
to have seen such chaste women!” Radharani was sitting a little bit to the
side, but by the corner of Her big eyes She looked at Krishna. The sakhis
replied to Him, “Yes, yes, you are correct. You are the only one sadhu here in
Vrindavan. Chant Gauri mantra!” Krishna said, “I have one more fortune.
When I came, I met an astrologer on the way. I asked him, “What is going to
happen today?” The astrologer answered, “Today a golden garland will
decorate Your chest.” Then the eyebrows of Radharani jumped. Only the
sakhis were near. They said, “Oh prince, You are the kings’ son. You are so
rich! Who can count Your wealth? You said that a golden garland would
decorate You. What is so magical here? You are very rich. We can even give
You a golden deity.” Govinda said, “Sakhis, you are right! I don’t need
dharma, kama, artha, or moksa. But actually, I need kama only.” Radharani
is very playful. The playfulness of Her eyes and the movement of Her
eyebrows is showing that She wants to see Krishna. The movements of Her
eyes, Her walk, and Her words – every action shows a desire to see Krishna.
And Krishna enjoys so much when He sees how in these movements, Her
loving desires appear. He can see everything in Her eyes. The mercy of
Mahaprabhu is that He opened this to the ordinary jivas. When Krishna was
saying all this, some symptoms were visible in Radharani – in Her eyes and
Her eyebrows. This is the quality of suvilasa. Radharani is enjoying by His beauty.
Then the sakhis were going and the  loving pastime starts.
Rasaraja and Mahabhava show Their amazing lila and
the kinkaris serve Them. What kind of ananda are the kinkaris experiencing?
No sastra and no sadhu can explain this. There are no words to explain that.
Mahaprabhu brought a rare gift, which for a long time had not been given.
Radharani is hiding Her emotions, but on Her face the rasa can be seen.
Radharani is so powerful. One word of Hers is enough to drive Krishna
completely crazy. She is saying, “If I am the vine, what is My luck? I only
fulfill the desires. The vine is growing in the forest.” Radharani is a little bit
angry with Krishna. “I am just like a vine. I came just like the other girls who
come with their desires.” Then the sakhis say, “No! We are going.” The
sakhis left the kunja. Radha-Madhava made peace with Each other and They
showed Their amazing lila.
When the spurti disappears, Prabodhananda Sarasvati is praying, “Let the
fire of my material existence come to an end!” The fire of separation from
Krishna seems to be so dangerous. If somebody is saying that the fire of the
material world is painful, one should know that the fire of separation from
Krishna is more painful. Prabodhananda Sarasvati is in separation with
Radharani. He is on the edge of life and death. He is saying that his heart is
burning in the fire of separation. This fire of separation cannot be compared
with anything. It is the most painful experience. A forest fire burns all the
birds and trees and then this fire will stop – it will disappear. But the fire of
separation of the premika gopis is even stronger. There the atma itself is
burning. The other situation is that the body is burning, but when the atma is
burning, one cannot be liberated from separation.
Once Radharani was in separation. Devotees were listening to this katha of
Her separation. Many devotees were crying and some were even
unconscious, lying down. Sri Rupa was amongst them. He was older. His
heart was burning, but he was so serious and so strong that externally he did
not show even one drop of tear. He was just sitting and listening, without
even moving. The devotees started to go home. Somebody was passing by
and he felt Sri Rupa’s breath on his body – and that breath burned his skin!
Here we can see how strong this fire of separation is! “I have fallen in the
ocean of separation and the water is boiling! Who will save me?“ There is
only one salvation. “Oh Radhe! Only if You will be merciful to me, You will
send me a boat and save me. Only the darshan of Your lotus feet will save
me.” Prabodhananda Sarasvati is showing his feelings in this verse.
Somebody may think, “This prema sadhana is so dangerous, so painful!” But
it’s not like this. If we boil the milk, then rabbery will appear. It’s the same
thing when this prema is condensed. Externally it looks like suffering, but
internally there is an amazing sweetness in this separation. One who will
develop this prema to Radha and Krishna will enter into separation. But even
then, he will enjoy more than in meeting. When the meeting (darshan)
happens, Krishna is alone and Radha is alone. But when there is separation
in the mind, the devotee sees Radha and Krishna everywhere. Anywhere he
looks, he sees Radha and Krishna! Wherever the eyes look , there is Radha
and Krishna! This is condensed premananda! Externally he will cry in
separation – it looks like life will be leaving soon. It is all external. But
internally there is incomparable rasananda. Goswamipada is proving this in
this verse – he knows about this separtion. If there is no experience of
separation, then how can one understand separation? When the meeting
happens, the separation is finished. But it is more dangerous if there is no
separation – if the separation is not coming, because the heart is empty. If
there is separation, the heart is not empty. Mahaprabhu was enjoying this
separation. He also felt the happiness of meeting in the separation. He came
to enjoy this Radha bhava and He found the best way for that. He took a
form in which He could experience so much separation. He was enjoying the
separation of Radharani. The separation in Vraja is very sweet. To reach
mahabhava from prema, the gopis have this separation. Sometimes they
meet Krishna, sometimes not.
We are doing this Radha bhajan. It is much higher than karma and dharma.
Sripad is saying, “How can I stop this fire of separation? Only if You give me
the nectar from Your lotus feet, then this rasa will stop the fire in my heart.”
He is praying for the darshan of Radha Madhava – that They will save him by
giving darshan to him.
If there will be mercy of Mahaprabhu, we will continue tomorrow.

– Compiled by Jagannatha das

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